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Is it time?

About this time last year I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and I had one nagging question, “how will I know it’s time?”

In my baby class, I was told if it’s too early in your labour — or if you aren’t in labour at all — you’ll be sent home. I didn’t want to be one of those women. But this being my first pregnancy, I had no idea what it would feel like.

I obsessively read anything Google would find on the topic, my midwife described the physical signs, I even (foolishly) watch A Baby Story.  But still, I couldn’t help but ask friends and relatives, “how will I know?”

My sister described it best when we was brutally honest with me. “It feels like you have to take a big crap.”  And she was right. But that was just the beginning.

When my daughter decided it was time to start her trek into the world, there was no mistaking it. My stomach tightened and with it came a dull, tightening  pain in my hips. Within a few hours this random, mild uncomfortableness changed to squeezing pressure in my stomaching and crushing pain in my hips.

So why am I writing about this now? A friend of mine recently had a baby and went to the hospital three times before she was admitted. It made me chuckle because once she was in labour, she knew it. Although I was admitted to the hospital on my “first try”, I could relate to her confusion.

For any moms reading this, you’re probably nodding your head in agreement. How could we have been so foolish to think we wouldn’t know we were in labour?

I showed him

It was September 2010 and I was at a friend’s wedding. Everyone at the table had had a few drinks and we were all chatting about our futures–and for a group of gals on the verge of turning 30, marriage and children were taking up a lot of the conversation. It was then that one of the guys at the table turned to me and said, “When you get pregnant, your ass is going to get soooo fat.”

He tried to deliver this doozy with a lighthearted chuckle and followed it up with, “You’ve never been fat, but your not skinny,” as thought that would clarify his first comment.  And, to top it all off, he added, “It’s going to be really hard for you to lose the weight after.”

For those who heard the comments, their jaws dropped. And mine must have too, but for other reasons. He had just verbalized my biggest fears about getting pregnant. I guess after almost 15 years of friendship he felt he should be brutally honest with me.

But I showed him.

I gained 35 pounds when I was pregnant. Admittedly, that was the top end of my healthy weight gain range but it was mostly belly. I stayed active with walking, swimming and yoga until the week before I gave birth and 16 weeks post-baby, I was comfortably back into my pre-baby jeans. And, I let him know.

But really? Who says that! Someone who had clearly had one too many beverages and wasn’t handling it well.

Yep, she said that

Nobody warned me that people say stupid things to you once they find out about the little bundle of joy you are carrying around. And I mean foot-in-mouth type of things.

For example, when I was just past the sealed-lip  three month mark I started to tell people the official news I received many kudos and well wishes, and a few “I knew it!” remarks that were often followed by a comment about my now ginormous breasts, but there is one comment that I will never forget.

I had just walked into the early stages of a party. There were about 10 people there, all of which I knew but hadn’t seen in a while. I was feeling self conscious of the 10lbs I had gained in the first trimester but trying to not to let on by wearing a sparkly top and leggings. “Hey! Congrats” were the welcoming remarks I got from most of the ladies when I walked in. But there always has to be one person who really doesn’t know what to say and says the wrong thing. In her case it was, “Hey! I totally knew you were pregnant when I saw you last. Your boobs looked huge and your face had really started to fill out.”

When she saw me last, I was at the 11 week mark. I will admit, my boobs did get big fast, but my face? Really? Nobody else seemed to notice and if they did they sure weren’t dumb enough to say something.

Lucky for her, I was so shocked by her comment that I was speechless — not something that happens to me often.

Another great example was when my belly finally popped. Being of short stature, it seemed like my belly was ginormous when in actuality it was measuring textbook size. It just looked over sized for my frame. (For those of you who aren’t aware, your belly and weight is measured at each medical appointment to track how your baby is growing.)

When I was about seven months pregnant, a woman I worked with asked me for the 10th time when I was due. When I told her, she said, “Really? You look like your going to give birth in like, five minutes.” Of course, she added, “You look great, I just thought you were due earlier.”

Ahhh…nice save? No, not really.

Consider yourself warned. People–mostly women actually–will say stupid things to you when you’re pregnant, so start thinking up witty comebacks now.

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